The anxieties I had prior to this week were fairly similar to those I had when I began tutoring--just on a larger scale...a much larger scale. I really worry that I'm going to be that ONE teacher that ruins English for someone for the rest of his or her life. I worry that I'm going to lead my students astray or discourage them. I worry that I will never learn the secrets of fair grading. These are my global anxieties.
My local anxieties are a bit easier to deal with. I worried that I would say something stupid (done this many times), that I would forget names (yeah), that I would trip or fall over something (a chair), that I would sweat through three shirts and a jacket (very near), that I would forget everything I've ever learned about writing (for sure), or that the class would not respect my authority (amazingly, they do). The second day of class I hid in the restroom until the last minute because sometimes I get blotchy when I'm nervous--and I was literally spotted. The students probably wondered if I were contagious. Luckily the spots don't last very long once I start breathing normally. :)
This first week has certainly been an eye opener. I have an even greater respect for teachers and the preparation the job requires. It takes a lot of interest and flexibility to keep the class moving and students engaged. I have to find a proper balance between friendly and authoritative. I have to listen carefully and keep the objectives in mind at all times. Oh, yeah--and I have to own it. In some ways I feel like a mix between a tour guide, shift manager, and babysitter.
I've made plenty of silly mistakes so far--but the students seem to be surviving. I've learned their names and their hobbies, and know a bit about their strengths as writers. I'm still plenty nervous, but look forward to week #2--after a good long weekend and some chocolate, of course.
I hope you're all doing ok!
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