I Wish I Had Known Everything

I wish I had known everything I know now! One of the most confusing experiences at the beginning of the semester was not knowing what I was teaching and why. I did not have the readings done. I did not have the benefit of discussing the readings. I did not know why I was reading and discussing with my students. Maybe I'm a little slow, but the first few weeks I wondered how what we were doing in class would translate into composition.

Of course, I know now that we were reading so the students would have topics to write about. I also know we were discussing to help the students make connections and to think critically about texts. I also know that the classroom interaction was important for them to be able to get comfortable, with me and each other. Now that I have a semester behind me, I have the benefit of seeing how all of the parts of the class fit together as a whole. If I had known that a few months ago, I would have been more confident and less confused!

I also wish I had known how hard it would be to say goodbye to all of my students. When we first met, I was terrified of them and they were terrified of me. Now, we are old friends and I find that the end of the semester is going to be bittersweet. Of course, we all want a break, but the possibility of never seeing any of these kids again breaks my heart.

It has been eye-opening to realize that some of my students do not care. I assumed, even a few weeks ago, that if I cared enough about them and their attendance and their progress that they would then show up for class prepared. I still have a few who come to class to see what is going on, and when it doesn't suit them, they "sneak" out when they think I'm not looking. I wish I had known that their behavior is normal and unchangeable. However, if I had known, I might not have tried so hard with them. Maybe it is a good thing to have high expecations and hopes for students so we can always be willing to help them succeed. I hope my realization that some of the students will hang themselves no matter what does not make me too cynical when it comes to giving everybody a chance to succeed.